


Broken Normal

by Fereael



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash Lynx Needs A Hug, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gang Violence, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, so eiji gives him one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-27 04:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19783477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fereael/pseuds/Fereael
Summary: He needed Eiji to be safe, needed it more than anything else he’d needed in his entire life, needed it more than that life itself. Still, seeing that sad, wistful, look in Eiji’s eyes dug into Ash a little more every day.It wasn't as though it was completely unsafe for Eiji to leave the apartment, Ash found himself thinking, just unsafe for him to do it without someone to watch out for him, and, Ash reasoned, it wasn't as though he was supposed to be meeting Alex till the afternoon anyway. And so it was Ash who first broke normal.“Eiji, would you like to come with me?”OrAsh and Eiji get away from the apartment for a little wile but the underworld wont let them go so easily.





	Broken Normal

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this for the Banana Fish RBB but do to some health problems I wasn't able to fish it in time. Still I wanted to link this supper fun art by Lenale that it's based on.  
> https://lenale.tumblr.com/image/186170581260
> 
> Enjoy!!

It started out like every other day that week, and like every other day the week before. That fact alone was enough to make Eiji smile. He liked the way in which things were becoming normal between them, liked that even in the whirlwind of fear and violence that their lives had become such a thing as "normal" could exist, liked that he could be the source of that normal for Ash. Yes, that was the part that he liked most of all.

Eiji woke first that morning, as he had every other morning, as was normal for them. Normal dictated that he get ready for the day and make breakfast before attempting to drag Ash out of bed an hour later, and normal dictated that Ash would eventually emerge groggy-eyed and grumpy …half an hour after that. Normal meant shrimp and avocado salad and Ash wrinkling his nose at the Japanese foods that Eiji prepared for himself, fights over the newspaper and arguments over the TV channel. In short normal was another word for domesticity, a state of being in which both boys could be just that, just two boys living in an ordinary apartment in one of New York's many high-rise buildings and doing nothing more extraordinary than bickering over whose turn it was to do the dishes and set the table. In short normal was precious. In short normal was a lie, and even the most precious of lies must eventually contend with the truth.

“Hey! Give that back!” Eiji lunged for the newspaper but Ash had already pulled it out of his reach. Eiji glowered, "I was reading that!"

“Is that so?” Ash raised one eyebrow mockingly at him over the top of his purloined paper. “That's news to me, I thought you were just looking at the pretty pictures. So can you read after all then?”

“Why you!” Eiji glared at him. “That's it!” The black haired boy dove across the table again. With the reflexes of the wildcat he had been named for Ash jerked the newspaper out of his reach but Eiji hadn't been aiming for the paper. From the beginning he had been after a different target, Ash’s bowl of shrimp and avocado salad, which had been sitting in front of the blonde boy, half eaten and completely unguarded. Eiji pulled it back across the table to sit in front of him and took a large bite.

“Hey!” Now it was Ash’s turn for outrage. “I was eating that!”

“No you weren't!” Eiji replied around a second large mouthful of salad. “You were reading the paper.” Ash glowered and reached for the bowl with one long arm, but Eiji twisted sideways in his seat, presenting Ash with his side as he held the bowl out of the blonde boy’s reach.

“Fine! I'll just have your breakfast then!” Ash pulled Eiji’s now abandoned breakfast toward him across the kitchen table only to wrinkle his nose when the cent of it hit his nostrils. “What is this stuff?” He demanded.

“Natto.” Eiji replied sweetly.

“Disgusting!” Ash stuck his elegant nose in the air and buried it behind the newspaper.

Eiji took a third large bite of shrimp and avocado salad.

Ash pouted at him over the top of the newspaper.

Eiji, ignored him and took a fourth mouthful of salad.

“Ugh, fine.” Ash dropped the newspaper back onto the table and got to his feet, “maybe I'll just get breakfast while I'm out.”

Still pouting Ash walked over to the front door and reached for a pair of beat up red converse. Eiji made no response. Shoes in hand Ash hesitated, glancing back over his shoulder to find Eiji watching him wistfully, all traces of amusement and feigned annoyance gone from his face.

Ash immediately felt guilt begin to prick at him. This was how their mornings always ended more or less. When Eiji got the upper hand in their bickering Ash would storm out in a pretend huff and when Ash had the upper hand he would stroll out, leveling some parting shot or other at Eiji on his way out the door. Ash wasn't really leaving because of their mock quarrels, Eiji knew it, and Ash knew that he knew it, so that wasn't the source of the wistfulness he'd been seeing in Eiji’s eyes every day that week. No, that looks came from somewhere else entirely and Ash had a few good ideas about where. Eiji was tired of being cooped up in the apartment, tired of only seeing the outside world from behind the glass of a window, tired of having nothing more to do every day than take photos and wait for Ash’s return. Ash knew it but he also knew what, and more importantly who, waited out in those streets and he needed Eiji to be safe, needed it more than anything else he’d needed in his entire life, needed it more than that life itself. Still, seeing that sad, wistful, look in Eiji’s eyes dug into Ash a little more every day.

It wasn't as though it was completely unsafe for Eiji to leave the apartment, Ash found himself thinking, just unsafe for him to do it without someone to watch out for him, and, Ash reasoned, it wasn't as though he was supposed to be meeting Alex till the afternoon anyway. And so it was Ash who first broke normal. “Eiji, would you like to come with me?”

Ash spoke before he could think better of it and the way that Eiji’s features immediately brightened like the sun killed any regrets he might've had before they could get a hold in him.

“Sure! Just give me a moment to get changed?”

“Changed?” Ash blinked down at Eiji’s Nori Nori T-shirt in surprise. “What's wrong with the clothes you're wearing.”

Eiji rolled his eyes. “You might be comfortable going out in the shirt you’ve been sleeping in the past week but I am not.”

Ash shrugged, “whatever you say.”

“I'll just be a second, just don't leave without me okay?” Eiji called back over his shoulder already heading for the bedroom.

“Sure sure, I'll be here.” Ash called back, bending down to finish slipping on his sneakers then leaning back against the wall to wait.

This was fine wasn't it? Going out like this so casually with Eiji? Now that the impulse brought on by the sadness in Eiji’s eyes was passing, Ash found himself feeling slightly uneasy. This was a risk, he had to admit it, an unnecessary one and there was no point in unnecessary risks, especially when it came to Eiji’s safety. This sort of thing wasn't a part of their normal routine and there was a very good reason for that, but, just this once, just this once it couldn't hurt could it?

“Okay, I'm ready!” Ash’s ponderings were cut short by Eiji’s return, now dressed in an open necked teal green button down and slim cut brown pants. Ash took a moment to admire the way the color of the shirt complemented the darkness of the older boy’s hair and eyes and highlighted the pale curve of his collarbone. It would be so easy to reach out and trace the line of it with his fingers… Ash cleared his throat and looked away, shoving that thought firmly to the back of his mind along with all of the accompanying thoughts attempting to rise to the surface with it.

“Right then, let's go.”

***

In the end they went to a diner. Ash ordered chocolate pancakes with whipped cream and Eiji told him of his unhealthy eating habits and forced him to get eggs as well so that at least he'd have "something with some food value." Eiji got a milkshake to go with his omelette and ended up with a whip cream mustache and Ash teased him about it until Eiji stole a bite of his pancakes, and everything was as it should be. More than that, Ash thought, as they exited the diner shoulders bumping as they shoved into each other playfully, everything was perfect.

Briefly the wish flitted across Ash’s mind that they could do something like this every day, that this could be their new normal. Yet even as his brain first shaped thought he knew it wasn't possible new that that would be a risk far too big to take, and knowing that they shouldn't do this again tomorrow made the moments of today all the more precious. He knew that he had already pushed his luck far enough, knew that he should return Eiji to the safety of the apartment, but he did not want this moment to end. So when they reached the corner Ash hesitated, unsure whether to take the turning that would lead to their apartment or head in another direction.

“We could go somewhere else, couldn't we?” Eiji had marked Ash’s hesitation and was looking hopefully up at him. That wistful look was back in Eiji’s eyes and it decided Ash. He checked his watch.

“I don't need to meet Alex for another two hours. There’s a used bookstore a few blocks from here that I've been wanting to get back to you for a while now.”

Eiji nodded. “Sounds good to me.” He smiled up at Ash and Ash felt his hard do a back flip. That look on Eiji’s face had to be one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen and Ash suddenly found himself hoping fervently that Eiji never looked at anyone else that way. He shook his head to clear it, such thoughts were not allowed after all, not when Eiji be returning to Japan soon, when he would lived out his life happily, far from Ash and his blood drenched world. Still Ash could enjoy this moment at least couldn't take?

“Come on, this way.” Ash reached out, grabbing Eiji’s handed his own, and pulled him in the direction of the used bookstore. Laughing at Ash’s enthusiasm, Eiji followed, allowing himself to be tugged along. Eiji’s hand was warm against Ash’s and everything was as it should be.

***

The used bookstore was in a side street, one of the small hole in the wall shops that looked cramped from the outside but actually stretched back far enough to contain a truly impressive number of books. They spent about an hour there. Ash teased Eiji about not being able to read most of what was on the shelves, Eiji pointed out that at least he was bilingual which was more than Ash could say for himself and went off in a huff to the foreign language section. At which point Ash found himself a copy of Dostoyevsky's _Crime and Punishment_ and settled himself in a chair to read.

When they left the shop both were carrying bags of books. Ash, who is going through something of a Russian literature phase had added copies of works by Gogol and Pushkin to his bag, but Eiji was refusing to show Ash what exactly he had bought.

“Come on big brother, if you're ashamed that you bought comics you can tell me.” Ash grinned wickedly down at Eiji as they walked.

Eiji glared right back at him. “For your information I did not but it's none of your business when I bought! You just can't deal with the fact that there's something you don't know!”

“Hardly. why should I care what you bought anyway?” Ash retorted, then completely undermined his words by making a lung for Eiji’s bag.

It was as Eiji was yanking the bag out of his reach that Ash heard it, a cry from behind him, then running footsteps. Ash reacted instinctively, turning his lung for the bag into a lung for Eiji himself. He shoved the older boy into one of the alley’s brick walls, realizing he done so just in the nick of time as he felt something grazed his shoulder just where Eiji had been a moment before. He turned, hand already going the gun hidden under his shirt at the back of his waistband, to see six guys descending on them. Three had guns, one had a knife, and one was grasping a rusty bit of pipe.

“Arthur's.” Ash snarled as he pulled his gun free of his belt. He recognized them from some of the photos his gang had collected. They must have been stalking the alleys and sidestreets of this area looking for any of Ash’s getting to harass, only by some absurd twist of luck they had stumbled across Ash himself, alone and with his guard lower than it should ever have been on the streets of New York in the middle of a gang war. Worse, they had come across him when he had someone to protect.

Even as he identified them and took in how bad the situation truly was his body was moving of its own accord. With the speed born of a training far superior to that of any street thug, Ash pulled his gun free, raised it, and shot back at the man who had dared to fire at Eiji. The bullet struck the thug in the shoulder, and unlike the bullet that had grazed Ash this was not a glancing shot. The man dropped his gun with a cry of pain and clutched at his wounded shoulder, blood leaking from between his fingers.

The other two gunmen raised their weapons and all Ash could think was that he had to keep him away from Eiji. He only had time to catch a glimpse, out of the corner of his eye, of the look of fear on the black haired boy's face before he shoved himself away from the wall and toward the gunmen, but that glimpse was enough to send self recriminations ringing through Ash’s thoughts. How could he? How could he have been so foolish? So careless? How could he think that he he be allowed to have a day like this even once? How could he think that he could afford to pretend even for a moment that anything but this world of guns and blood could be his normal? How could he bring Eiji into danger?

Even as the thoughts pounded themselves against the walls of Ash’s mind he twisted sideways as he ran, dodging a bullet and noticing with relief as he did so that his attackers were aiming for him rather than Eiji. He fired a second time, this one striking the chest of one of the two firing at him. Briefly he was thankful for Blanca’s trainings which allowed him to aim accurately while running flat out. Ash was moving toward his assailants as fast as he could, knowing it would keep their attention on him and away from Eiji, even as it put him in much greater danger.

Ash made to turn his gun on the third shooter but before he could fire he had to jump to his right to avoid being clubbed by the thug carrying the pipe on his left. Ash heard Eiji cry out his name from behind him, and turned his head back to the right just in time two dodge away from good knife wielding thug who slashed at Ash’s stomach. Ash ducked sideways as a shot from the remaining gunmen ripped through the space where his head had been a moment before. Ash threw himself forward, closing the remaining distance between him and the gunmen in a single burst, plowing into the man and knocking him backwards severel feet. Ash’s tackle had shoved the man's gun arm out to the side and even as he struggled to twisted around to shoot at Ash, Ash brought his own gun down on the side of the man's head he crumpled.

Even as the man fell Ash knew that he was in trouble. Closing with the gunmen had been Ash’s only real option to inhibit his ability to fire since not even Ash had had time both aim and fire and dodge two men closing on him from either side but the way his lunch had carried both him and the gunmen forward had left his back wide open to the men behind him. Even as the gunmen fell Ash twisted sideways, just barely dodging the swing of the metal pipe and, knowing that he couldn't dodge both, tensed against the sensation of the knife slashing into his back, but it never came. Ash use the momentum of his daughter to swing sideways to check the movements of his second opponent and his eyes widened in shock at what he saw.

Eiji was no longer standing frozen against the wall, instead he must have come racing after Ash for he had leapt on the knife wielding thug from behind and was struggling to hold onto his arms, keeping him away from Ash. As Ash watched in horror the thug let out a curse and slammed one of his elbows into Eiji’s ribs. Eiji doubled over as the breath was knocked from him but he refused to let go.

“A-Ash!”

Eiji’s gasping voice was enough to jerk him back to his senses as the metal pipe wipped through the air toward Ash’s face again. Ash jumped back, taking advantage of the knife wielders current limited mobility to turn his back on the man as he did so, allowing himself to create just enough space to raise his gun and fire a killing shot into his assailant's chest. Then Ash spun back around just in time to see the knife wielder attempting reverse his weapon in order to stab at Eiji. Ash fired again and the man crumpled to the ground, pulling free of Eiji’s grasp as he fell. Then there was just the two of them, Ash with the gun in his hand and Eiji wide-eyed and pale and shaking in front of him.

Ash glanced around, taking in the wounded man now sunk against a wall, the unconscious man crumpled against the pavement, and the three dead men lying in their blood. All he could think was that he had to get Eiji out of there. He grabbed the older boy’s arm with his free hand and began to pull him away from the scene.

“Wait! Ash!”

As they passed the spot where they'd been when their attackers had first appeared Eiji pulled against Ash’s arm. Startled Ash slowed as Eiji bent down and grabbed up something that Ash identified a moment later as Eiji’s bag from the bookstore. He must have dropped it there when he ran to help Ash. Ash’s own bag lay a few feet away but Ash didn't pause long enough to retrieve it, he could always buy more books, getting Eiji out of there mattered far more.

***

They didn't go far. Ash could tell by the way that Eiji’s hand still shook in his that the older boy needed a moment to collect himself but Ash was much happier to let him do it away from the blood and corpses. To that end Ash had pulled Eiji down the alley, around the corner, and into the mouth of another nearby alley before the two of them stumbled to a halt and Eiji sank, panting, onto a couple of abandoned crates. Ash was barely winded but he the suspected that Eiji’s shortness of breath had less to do with actual exhaustion than it did with shock.

Eiji… As Ash looked down him Ash felt himself drowning in self recrimination. He had been stupid, naïve, foolish, believing that the two of them could just wander around the city without putting Eiji in mortal danger. It was small consolation to Ash that Eiji appeared to be unhurt. The fact was that he had still put Eiji in unnecessary danger and he should have known better.

“Are you okay?”

The question cut across Ash’s thoughts with all the force of a gunshot.

“What?”

“Ash, are you okay?”

“am I okay?” Ash stair disbelievingly down at Eiji who is staring up at him, dark eyes filled with concern. “Eiji I could've gotten you killed back there, and you're asking if _I'm_ okay?”

“You didn't almost get me killed."

“yes I_”

Eiji shook his head, cutting Ash off.

“No, you didn't. It's true we were in danger but it wasn't your fault Ash.”

Ash stared at him. How could Eiji say that, even now after everything that they'd been through, all the times that Eiji had almost died, how could he say that it wasn't Ash’s fault?

“How can you say that?”

Ash was only half surprised to hear the break in his own voice as all of his swirling self-incrimination attempted to force its way out of him. “How can you say that when I put you in danger over and over again? With all the bad things that have happened to you because of me? And what about me? After all the people I killed in front of you are you scared of me?"

He dropped to his knees in front of Eiji so that the two were more or less on eye level, and peered into Eiji’s eyes, searching them for the fear an repulsion he was sure he would find there. Yet he saw nothing of the sort, only very genuine concern, warmth, and was that affection? That shocked Ash, but what shocked him even more was the feeling of fingers slipping into his, as Eiji intertwined the fingers of both of his hands with Ash’s

“Oh Ash, I say it because it's true.” Eiji’s voice was gentle, and, for all that his hands were still shaking slightly, his voice was completely steady. “It's not your fault. It's true that a lot of bad people are after you but that is their fault not yours. I've told you before, I'm not afraid of you, I never will be. I love you and I'm never going to leave you. I promised you forever remember?”

Ash froze, staring up at him with disbelieving eyes. He licked suddenly dry lips, trying to find the words to express the sudden pounding of his heart. “What did you say?” When Ash spoke his voice was slow, careful, and controlled, every word enunciated as though to leave no doubt of its meaning.

“I said I love you I'm not going to leave you.”

“You love me?” The careful control Ash had been exerting over his voice a moment before vanished, leaving it a cracked dry whisper.

Eiji nodded, blinking down at him and slight surprise. “Yes, didn't you know?”

Ash shook his head numbly, half convinced that he had misheard Eiji over the pounding of blood in his eardrums.

Eiji love him? Eiji _love_ him? It wasn't possible. There was just no way that it could be possible. But then why would he say if it wasn't true? No, no, it wasn't possible. Ash was tied irrevocably to the blood and darkness of the New York underworld and Eiji, Eiji freedom and light and all things that you do not belong in the darkness, and he wasn't going to stay in it. Eiji was going to go back to Japan and live a safe and happy life far away from Ash all that he represented.

“But… You're going to go home and forget me…”

Eiji shook his head and pulled one hand gently from Ash’s, and only then did Ash realize how hard he'd been clutching onto the photographer’s hands. Hastily he started to release the other one but Eiji held on lightly, indicating with the gentleness of his grip that if Ash wanted to break free he could at any time but that, until he did, Eiji had no wish to break the connection. Ash found that he had no wish to break the connection either.

With his free hand Eiji reached into the bag he had brought from the bookstore and brought out what it held. It turned out to be just a single book, small, the sort of thing meant to fit in a pocket. Wordlessly Eiji held it out to Ash and the blonde boy's eyes widened as he realized what it was, an English to Japanese travel dictionary. With shaking fingers Ash reached out and took it in his free hand. He stared at it for a long moment before sliding almost reverently into his pocket.

“When this is all over I want you to come with me to Japan.”

Ash’s eyes, which had been turned down toward the dictionary, snapped back to Eiji’s, disbelieving.

“I..” Ash tried to figure out what to say but it was hard to speak past the sudden lump in his throat.

“Unless, you do not want to?” Eiji’s voice was anxious. “Perhaps you do not feel the same way about me?” Eiji began to pull his fingers gently from Ash’s

 _Not feel the same way?_ Ash shook his head vigorously. “No, I want to!” Now it was Ash’s turn to tighten his hold on Eiji’s hand. “I want to come to Japan with you! And I… I do feel_”

Ash’s words were drowned out suddenly by the sound of police sirens on the sidestreet just beside the alley where they were sitting _. Of course_ , Ash once again cursed himself for 12 kinds of an idiot, of course someone had heard the gunshots and of course they’d called them in. He and Eiji shouldn't have lingered anywhere near this long so close to the one where the bodies still lay, but he had been caught in the spell of Eiji’s eyes and words and now…

Ash’s dissent back into self recrimination was cut off abruptly, along with his ability to have any other sort of coherent thoughts, as Eiji leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on Ash’s lips. The kiss with barely the work of a moment, barely more than a brushing of lips, but it was enough to leave Ash feeling lightheaded and as though his mind had been wiped completely blank. Before he had a chance the do more than blink and wonder vaguely if he'd been killed in the fight after all and somehow ascended to heaven without noticing, Eiji was on his feet, pulling Ash up with him as well.

“We need to get out of here.”

“Um yeah…” Ash nodded in dumbfounded agreement, his mind still feeling as though it had gotten lost at some point around the time that Eiji’s lips brushed against his own. And then they were running, back out of the alley and down the side street away from the flashing of police lights. This time it was Eiji, laughing, who was pulling Ash along, and as they ran, despite everything, Ash felt his face he lacks into a smile as well.

Ash still felt rather bewildered and things it definitely changed between them but perhaps that was not such a bad thing. Perhaps even if their old normal was gone, they could turn this, whatever “this,” was, into a new normal, and, Ash found himself thinking, he liked this new normal a lot better.

**Author's Note:**

> I love how clueless Ash can be when it comes to Eiji lol. If you enjoyed feel free to leave me a note or a comment!  
> Shameless plug time but if you want to see our Banana children being happy for once or want to read more of my Banana Fics please consider checking out the Banana Fish A Perfect Day fan Zine featuring new BF art comics merch and fics by 46 artists and writers. Pre-orders now open!  
> https://twitter.com/BananaFish_zine/status/1147387919927259137


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